Last week I had the privilege of sharing in a celebration. It was a celebration of the life of a good friend and of the promise of resurrection. That friend was Andy Montana, and he died early Thanksgiving morning after a lengthy battle with disease. Andy was a chemist par-excellence, a university professor and co-developer of a computer-based chemistry curriculum. With a smile on his face he had told me that his motivation for developing this material was, “It is a lot better to blow something up in a computer program than in the chem. Lab.” How true…

It is ironic that at memorial services we learn so much about people we thought we knew well. But usually our data about a person comes from only one slice of their lives, one time or one place. We know them as a teacher or a student or a fishing buddy or a pastor or parishioner or whatever, but there are always other people who know the same person from a different perspective, in a different place and role. And when a memorial service invites people to share memories a whole lot comes out that makes the person much more multi-faceted than we alone could ever know. Such was the case last week as long-time friends and new acquaintances alike shared with all the moments that stood out in their memories of Andy.



Over the years I have been a pastor people have often asked about my feelings regarding performing funerals/memorial services. My semi-stock answer has always been, “I’d rather do a good funeral than a bad marriage any day…” And that is absolutely true—because one is final while the other could be just a beginning of a long and tragic period. But this raises the question, what makes a good funeral? And to me the answer is pretty simple, and it is reduced to three basics.

First, a good funeral is one which remembers someone who has made a positive difference in the lives of those he or she came in contact with. Of course this includes the immediate family cluster, but I look beyond that circle to see how the life we are remembering impacted other people outside the family. And particularly I listen for words from people whose relationship with the deceased reflects an intentional reaching out on the part of the one being remembered. To me this indicates a life that consciously gave to others.

The second thing that I believe makes a good funeral is one in which the things a person is remembered for move beyond the inconsequential. By this I mean that the things noted at a service indicate that the person offered something of substance to the world and other people in it. Gardens are good and golf is fine, but there is more to life than those, and people whose lives intersect with other people at these more substantial points leave behind the most lasting and positive memories. They leave behind impressions and imprints on people that make the living better people than they would have been had the deceased not been part of their lives. And when those things are noted in a service it can be a good one.

The third thing that I believe makes a good funeral is a clear and honest declaration of the motive behind the life that is being honored, and that motive is Jesus Christ. Grief is an important part of a funeral service, and its absence speaks volumes. But the gospel is that death, while a bitter enemy, is a defeated enemy—and defeated by Jesus on the cross and in the empty tomb. Most memorial services reflect some hope in a positive after-life for the deceased, but too often that hope is some vague and undefined feeling. When Christ is honored, on the other hand, hope is grounded in the great reality of resurrection—it is not just wishful thinking but promise-claiming. And when a person has lived a life for Christ and in Christ then through Christ there is resurrection. And a clear affirmation of the deceased person’s faith in Christ and trust in his promises lifts a memorial service beyond one in which the deceased is remembered to one in which the greatest hope of humanity is celebrated.



Because of these feelings, I have a specific form of service that I have usually used, and that I commend as the most helpful and appropriate in a time of loss. The first thing is to have any graveside/internment component prior to the service in the church. The second is to have a short message end the service in the church. It has always seemed to me to be contradictory to move from a church or chapel where Christ’s message and its resurrection hope have been presented to a graveyard. The Scripture of hope and a message of promise should be the last words that ring in the ears of those who attend a service. The eulogies and personal comments are important, as is the emotional symbolism of a grave, but the last word should be resurrection—a celebration of that promise and a challenge to those present to consider their lives in its light.

The words of Jesus, spoken long ago, are the most important words that could be spoken in any memorial service, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die.” And the question that he appended to it, “Do you believe this?”, should be echoing in the ears of every attendee as they leave… When that happens, a funeral can be truly labeled a good service.