Yesterday Nancy and I drove to Asheville, North Carolina. Situated on the beautiful Blue Ridge the town is the home of Billy Graham's retreat center, The Cove. It is also the site of the largest private home in the United States, The Biltmore Estate. Constructed by George Vnaderbilt between 1890 and 1896, it has four floors, 250 rooms and a floor space of over 175,000 square feet. Its massive size is obviously impressive, but the attention to detail in every room, plus the meticulous upkeep that has maintained or restored every nook and cranny to its original grandeur, made it quite a site to tour.

But the reason for our visit was the highlight of the day and night away, not the great home. Nancy and I were there as a short time away to celebrate our 40th wedding anniversary. I have known and honored many people who have celebrated 50 or more years of marriage, but 40 isn't too bad.

When people ask about longevity of marriage I first respond with the wisdom shared with me by Dich Scheumann. He said that the key to marital harmony is summarized in two small words, words that every husband needs to learn and repeat over and over, "Yes, dear." And there is more than a grain of truth to that!

But there are other keys as well, with the first being a common commitment to the person of Jesus Christ. When Jesus is the center of any relationship the ego factor is taken out of the middle. No longer is it my will or my idea or my plan versus the other, but it is his will and his idea and his plan. When self-center, for one person or for a couple, changes to him-center, everything changes!

The second thing that I believe creates longevity in marriage is a common commitment to ministry. One of the questions I ask engaged couples is what they can do for God as a couple that neither of them could do alone. Defining that ministry and seeking together to pursue it is a second key.

A third key to long lasting relationships is simple integrity. That means that a promise made will not be broken. If one says to another "I do" and "I will" then integrity calls for that promise, as a word given, to be kept. And those words are exchanged in a wedding ceremony, and need to be kept. Simple!

Marriage is given us by God. It is one of his first and greatest gifts to humanity, and it is one of the gifts most attacked by Satan, because it is so integral to who we are. It is not given to everyone, not even the great Apostle Paul was married, and it is has difficult seasons. But it is often wonderful. It takes humor, grace, attention, and hard work. It requires a willingness to admit one is wrong and an ability to forgive. It means putting another above self, something our culture derides as foolish. It means sacrifice. It means many things and requires much effort--probably more effort than building a 175,000 square foot house. But when it is God's plan for a person, it is worth all the work and effort it takes to make it work...And it is a beautiful thing...

Genesis 2:18 The Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him...then the Lord God made a woman..."